He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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