I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
