Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
