help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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