she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
