Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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