i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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