No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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