if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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