so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize