Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize