Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
