He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
