Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
