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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  do you know how bad I want you right now?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  As bad as i want you to stop texting me?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  is that a hint?

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon

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• (936): View more from Texas

  Ate a slug for 39 dollars

  (903): View more from Texas

  I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...

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