As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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