DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
