The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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