I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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