My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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