I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
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A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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