Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize