I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
