so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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