I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
