dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
