Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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