It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
