There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
