Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
