it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
