Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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