I faked an abortion last night.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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