A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
