Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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