i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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