At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
