I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
