Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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