So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
