Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
