Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
another moral hangover. fuck.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
