I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
