morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize