He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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