she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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