I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
