I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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