I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
