So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im six kinds of drunk right now
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
