I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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