I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
