maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
