i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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