I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
