The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
