the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
In America we eat man semen.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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