so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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