fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
