I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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