he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
