I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
