I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
