she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
