Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
