I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
