i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You are a genius and a whore.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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