My Higher Power is John Stamos
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
