your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize