Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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