Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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