I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
