i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
