Having a random hookup so left but love u
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
