brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
