If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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