and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
