I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This girl is more easily done than said...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
