hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize