Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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