dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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