dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
